Before 30 Bucket List; Because After 30 You’re Basically Dead Anyway

Before 30 List

So being single has been fun.

#catsarebae #catflixandchill #ambienandwine #cats4lyfe #singlecatladyprobs

This is the longest I have ever been single. I think my entire family thought for sure I would be the first to get married and crank out some puppies. I have NO desire to do that.

2015 X-Mas Card #singlelife #catsbeforebros

I’ve had some really awesome relationships and some really awful ones, but each one has been a great story, or at least a learning lesson. This job has changed my idea of what I want and look for in a partner and that continues to change the older I get.

This is real. And we went on a date.

I’ve shared this list with every single one of them and usually on the first date. I want boys to know what they’re getting into, and almost every single one of them says, “I’m down.” Well saying your ready and actually doing it are way different. Also why it’s so hard for me to date outside of my industry. “Normal” guys don’t have the time, and the rest don’t have the money. In fact my more recent ex let me know that he plans on having a 9-5 and that I shouldn’t expect more than 2 weeks vacation. That’s just not going to work for me. My perfect man, or woman (all about that one-luv) might not exist.

So here’s my offer: you might be another one who says, “I’m down.”

Don’t bullshit the bull-shitter.

If you call and say you want to go, you better be ready to go immediately. And probably be willing to go into debt along with that. Cross something off my list and Ill show you the world. Like my company says best, “Marry me and fly for free.”

1. Scuba Dive the San Francisco Maru

 This sunken WWII ship in the Chuuk Lagoon in Micronesia is a challenging dive; more than 100 feet and in freezing waters. My first year flying I flew with a gentleman that had just gotten back from this dive. I didn’t even know what this ship was until I Google-d it. He was a really experienced diver. The experience he had looked awesome and something I knew I wanted to do before I was dive certified. I hate being cold, I’m super claustrophobic, and terrified of the dark. Bring it on.

2. Live for a month in a nudist colony

(Inset Image Here. I made the mistake of Google-ing “nudist colony” for a image to put here. Im so upset I can even find one to post ironically. I may be reconsidering the response I had)

This came from another male flight attendant. They seem to be the crazy ones. Male stewardesses.

The same mind set as male cheerleaders.

I was pouring drinks in the back galley when he randomly asked me if I would live in a nudist colony. After a long 30-second consideration, I decided why the hell not. I would take a lot of hand sanitizer and wet wipes. I put this on my “Before 30 List” however I don’t really want to do this until I’m old. Like almost dead old. Maybe like 50. With that being said, I would stay at a nude resort. Even now. Just to say I did. There are a few in Mexico that look awesome. Perhaps it will make me respect my youth.

3. Skydive

This should be an easy one. I have so many friends that do this as a hobby, but every time I think I have the balls to do it, I freak out. I don’t know if I can. A few really good friends have more than 1000 dives under their belt, and one even runs an airline skydive club; perhaps for my birthday this year. I’m gonna need way more Xanax.

4. Learn another language

Another one that is simply me not committing. (Like many things in my life.) I have started and stopped Rosetta Stone a million times and have Doulingo on my phone but that doesn’t mean I do it. I have enough Spanish to get me through a flight or basic conversation, but much more than that, and I’m lost. I was so serious about it earlier this year and even enrolled in classes at the community college, mostly to impress the boy I was with and his family. You would think there would be more motivation considering the company will pay me a few extra bucks if I’m fluent, but alas, my Spanish still sucks. Ironically I am writing this on a Mexico City flight. I think I asked the woman in the first row what color her horse was instead of what she wanted to drink.

5. Ride bicycles thru Barcelona

So this should have been accomplished by now. I was in Barcelona a few weeks ago. We didn’t ride bikes. Should have looked at my list.

Hey Girl, Need A Ride?

6. Learn to Fly

Airplanes. I am a die-hard av-geek. I live and breathe for my industry and find the entire idea of flying is sexy. Even now, after years of nasty airplanes, becoming jaded and cynical with each passing flight; I want to fly. I really thought for a while I would go back to school and get my private pilot license and then my commercial. It’s a bit of a double-sided sword for me. I am still young enough to start my career over, however I work for an awesome company, finally have some seniority, and make good money for reading a People magazine everyday. If I were to leave, I would be starting over back at a regional airline, making $11/hour to fly from Phoenix to Tucson 50 times a day. (Yea starting pilots don’t make anything.) The long run looks promising; being a female is also an advantage in a predominately male industry, but again I would be giving up a lot. I think I finally decided not to go this way when the non-profit started taking off. That’s where my heart and soul is. I might still go get my private just as a hobby. Time and money.

Every day when I walk into the cockpit

7. Go gliding

This falls in the same category as flying. I bought my little brother a Groupon for gliding lessons and it looked so cool I wanted to try. I will buy myself a Groupon.

Wrong kind of glider but its hilarious

8. Have breakfast in a hot air balloon.
   

   Expectation vs. Reality

The funny thing about my list, it’s a running list on my phone. So I can randomly pull this out on dates etc. A boy stewardess was going thru my list and put a check next to this when he force-fed me prosciutto and cheese at 40k feet at 6am. That counts right?

9. Go to space.

Richard Branson. You sly devil. You didn’t hire me because I may not be a Boeing test pilot, however I will be the first stew to jump seat on a Virgin Galactic flight.

Room for one more?

10. Carnival in Rio

I was supposed to do this for my twenty-first birthday. However because Americans like to seek asylum in Brazil all the time, the visa for Brazil is expensive. I ended up in the Greek isles for my 21^st at the foot of Mount Olympus. Brazil -1 Me – 1. Ill make it down soon, and we’ll rage. “The night is still young, and so are we.” – Niki Minaj

This actually happened at Carnival in Rio. Im going to fit in just fine

11. Easter Island

Too many episodes of Ancient Aliens and this is creeping higher and higher on my list. I follow a travel blog of an Aussie I met in the Galapagos and she went earlier this year. It looked incredible! She said, “The only way to really experience the island, is from underwater.” Now that I am certified, I fully plan on seeing it soon. Cannibalism, aliens, ancient civilizations; this couldn’t be more “up my alley.”

Feel free to visit my Giorgio A. Tsoukalos fan page

12. Pyramids of Giza

I have a dear friend that was fortunate enough to visit Egypt before it was really dangerous. I say that cringing. I don’t think it would be too bad to go if I had a male escort. However, common sense rules when thinking about traveling alone to Egypt as an American female. There is just too much political unrest to make me ballsy enough to go alone right now. It makes me so sad. Hopefully sooner than later I will make it to Egypt. There is such a strong emotional connection to the region and with a name like Alexandria, I believe there is a reason I need to go and see. Sam, who is one of my favorite human beings on the planet, says that Egypt is one of the dirtiest places he has ever been. This is coming from a boy who was in the Peace Corp and has been to more countries than I can count. An experience to say the least.

I went out of my way to stalk him at San Diego Comicon

13. Blue Hole in Belize

It’s like a divers mecca. Most divers I know have already done this. Then again, most divers I know have been diving in the Caribbean and similar places. My first open water dives were in the Galapagos Islands with strong currents, low PSI, and hammer head sharks. Tell me again about your drift dive off your cruise ship? Not to be too cocky. Now that my airline flies there, perhaps Ill get paid to go diving on an overnight…

Might be a theme here…

14. Stonehenge

This falls in that, “I’ve watched too many episodes of Ancient Aliens, and have to go everywhere they’ve covered” category. I’ve done London, but there is so much more of England I would like to see. I want some good-looking chap with muttonchops and a sexy accent to feed me fish and chips while telling me his theories on this English landmark. Then finish the night at the pub with a pint while telling off some bloody wanker.

I just described a date with Austin Powers

15. Dive the Great Barrier Reef

Another “This should have already happened” moment. So there I was in the Philippines after a month of volunteering. Tired, sore, and desperately ill. Refer to the Philippines post. I had contracted gangrene and MERSA in my foot from an infected wound. My, at the time boyfriend, had met me in Melbourne to surprise me with a live-aboard 7-day dive off the reef as a “congratulations” and “welcome back to reality”. My stubborn ass had refused medical attention for the last 2 weeks and was desperately ill. The doctor said I would loose my foot if I got in the water. We had to cancel the dive and it was my entire fault. Instead I spent my time in Australia’s Gold Coast with my foot propped up in the hotel room.

https://donate.greenpeace.org/hpp/pay.shtml

16. Great Wall of China

Chinese visas are expensive. I have a few friends that have done this. Last time I was in Mainland China I was about 5 minutes away from being deported. See the “Dubai” post. I need to make it back (legally) and do the hike. If you haven’t noticed, most “7 Wonders” are on the list that I haven’t already done. (Hair flip)

I want to do this but with way less people around

17. Bobsledding in Austria

So my company has a Ski and Snowboard Club. They do cool events all over the world and it’s usually just a drunken orgy. They went to Austria one of the first years I worked here and the stories that followed were really epic. It’s not good enough for me to just go skiing in the Alps; I want to go bobsledding. Dangerous and sexy. It would make for an epic story; screw your orgy and skiing, no pun intended.

This is IRL the men’s Canadian bobsledding team. I’d get in the middle of that man sandwich

18. Night diving in Kona

So, yet again this almost happened. I had this awesome pilot I dated, who very well might be reading this. We hit 16 countries in 12 months. (Over half this list was “almost” covered with him) I had a blast with him; we just weren’t compatible for so many other reasons. Not to mention he was 46 and I was 24. I really don’t have a bad thing to say about him. I would basically throw a dart at the map and we would go. This was going to be the trip right before we broke up. The hotel and dives were booked then everything blew up. Back to the dives though; the night diving in Kona is impressive. I have been around the world and back, yet never been to Hawaii. The manta rays in Kona swarm at night and divers take their torches down to attract the rays. Someone take me to Kona, which should be an easy one to make happen.

For real. This is exactly what it looks like

19. Antarctica

This is actually at the top of the “Before 30.” I will make it to all 7 continents before 30. The thing with Antarctica is, 1. It’s expensive. 2. It’s a pain in the ass to get to. There is really no easy way to do it. Unless you are interested in working for 2 years on an oil rig or blowing $12k on a cruise, your really going to have to get creative on getting there. I fly for free and it’s a pain in the ass. Not to mention gear and other travel expenses for the trip. I was on the plane tonight thinking about my game plan for Antarctica. I think it would be a pretty epic 30^th birthday present for myself. If I started saving now, I could have a comfortable trip there. I want to do the National Geographic cruise. It’s a smaller ship with comfortable accommodations. Still is going to be about $7k+. That’s a ton of money. A down payment on a house! Not to mention, who knows where I’m going to be in 5 years. I could be married cranking out those puppies I swear I would never have! Terrifying I know. I just pulled up prices for the Nat Geo cruise and it’s 12 days, and $12,970. Who the fuck has that kind of money?! Old people. Its off season too, and that was with my interline discount. I will find a way. I could buy a ticket down there, but it’s not like there’s hostels and a ton of hotels. I’m off to cruise Tinder to find some oil rig mechanic that works down there to sponsor my ass to come and visit.

I found this hunk of man on Tinder in Nashville for real. He really works on a rig in Antarctica. I think he caught on to my game.

UPDATE: March 30 2017

So I love this post. It is one of my favorites, and not to mention one of the best preforming post I have written.

I finished everything on this list.

Fuck you, obvs I didn’t.

However, I did go night diving in Kona. It was amazing. And cold.

I will continue to update as more things get checked off.

Cuba Part I, Vive Tu Vida y No La Mia

“Live your life, and not mine.” hangs on a doorway outside a Casa Particular on a quiet street in Centro Havana. The city itself is charming and intoxicating. I was in love with Cuba before I got there. Days before the trip I would sit on the plane going thru my guidebook (I swear by Lonely Planet books.) and dream about what my Cuba would look like. It didn’t disappoint.

Live your life and not mine copyright talesfromtheflyingcircus

The entire trip happened by chance and was a bit of a blur. Let’s back up to how this idea even started. Girl meets boy. Online. On Tinder, if were all being honest around here. Tinder dates can be entertaining, and every now and then one actually goes really well. This one, with who Ive been referring to as The Astrophysicist, even though he’s still working on his undergrad at ASU, have a few awesome dates. We seem to enjoy each others company. Conversation moves fluidly and we have a bit in common. We are sitting in my pool about 4 weeks ago talking about a block of time off I have and a week he has off in between classes. Boom. Were going to Cuba.

The Astrophysicists

About a week before the trip, Im a bottle deep into a night of Arizona Stronghold (highly recommended) when I tell him about my anxieties over barely knowing him and were about to run away to a country where we have little resources and a language barrier. Some vague reassurances later; game on.

As of right now due to a long out-dated embargo, US citizens holding a US passport are still NOT able to travel to Cuba for tourism directly from the US. So we had to go to Cancun first. There are worse places to have a 24 hour layover.

Playa Delfines Cancun, Mexico copyright talesfromtheflyingcircus

I would recommend going this way as opposed to Mexico City or the Bahamas. You can typically get a nice, inexpensive room on Kayak or Perx for the night. We stayed at the Bel Air Collection Cancun for $100. Nice beaches, clean rooms and most have an ocean view. BOOK YOUR TRANSPORTATION TO/FROM THE AIRPORT BEFORE YOUR TRIP ONLINE. We didn’t on the way out and it was roughly $40+tip each way and The Bel Air is one of the closest to the airport on hotel row. Also on the way out we figured we wouldn’t do the all-inclusive and just find food around the hotel. There are a few places, but nothing really within walking distance. So dinner was about $40 across the street. It was really good but expensive for some fish tacos and ceviche. Not to mention breakfast then was another $50.

Getting to Havana

We bought confirmed tickets on Interjet Airlines and roundtrip from CUN-HAV was $220 each. Not bad at all. We get to the airport and were running a little late, I go to check in first and the ticket counter at Interjet informed me that I purchased my ticket for the wrong damn day. Face palm. For someone who claims to be a “pro-traveler” that was really dumb. The Astrophysicist ticket was fine. In a panic now they tell me to run down to Cubana Airlines or Aeromexico since the Interjet flight I was on was now sold out. I bolt down the terminal and at the Cubana ticket counter they say it will be $348 cash only, pesos. Sounds shady AF but ok what other choice did I have? I run down to the ATM to pull out pesos and none of my cards are working. What the serious fuck SWACU and Chase. I happened to have a lot of US cash on me, needing it in Cuba. Some airport caddy grabs me, pulls out his wallet and changed a bunch of money for me. I buy my ticket and you are also required to buy a Cuban visa for another $250 pesos. ($25USD) I send The Astrophysicist on his way and tell him Ill meet him in Havana. We were so pressed for time, it all happened so quickly and now we are separated and will have no communication until I (hopefully) get there and meet him in the airport.

So much for being “good” at this traveling thing

Finally with a chance to breathe I make it to my gate and head off to Havana. Im only about an hour and a half behind The Astrophysicist.

Landing in Cuba, I really didn’t know what to expect. I had no idea if they were going to question the shit out of me or deport my ass before even making it through customs. I picked a male customs agent on purpose, and he was kind of hot. After the standard questions, he asked if I wanted a stamp. AS A US CITIZEN YOU STILL MAY NOT HAVE A CUBAN STAMP IN YOUR PASSPORT. I declined, he winked and said “Welcome to Cuba.” as only a tall dark handsome cuban man could. My heart skipped a beat. What a way to be welcomed to this seemingly forbidden land!

I met up with The Astrophysicist after customs, and he had been talking to some guy that approached him in the airport about a ride into the city and a Casa Particular to stay in for the night. You should always be weary of anyone soliciting in the airport and the guy didn’t speak any english so communication was a little rough. A Spanish tourist that spoke english translated for us and when I asked her bluntly if we should go with this guy, she said sure. Seems legit. He leads us outside and its our first real taste of Cuba. The cab is this 1950’s jalopy and when it pulls up I was thinking, “There is no way in hell this thing is going to make it to the city.” As we are driving from the airport we pass car, after car, after 1950’s american made car, that look like hell but are still running. This is the norm.

Plaza de Revolucion, Havana copyright talesfromtheflyingcircus

Havana

When you arrive in Havana, my best advice would be to have the cab driver drop you off at Hotel Sevilla. It is a centrally located and is the only place we found reliable wifi. We were taken by our friend from the airport to a home and rented a room for $25 a night. Who then demanded that the price was $25 per person for the cab in addition to the room. *Establish a fare before you get in and make sure the deal is clear in all languages.*

Heres how the Casa Particulars work, there is a symbol on the outside of the houses so you can identify who has a room for rent. They are typically queen beds with a fridge and a private bathroom. Its a great way to spend time with the locals and save money. There are not a ton of hotel options anyway and they are ridiculously expensive. The first one we stayed at for 2 nights was Sra. Rosa Ma. y Sr. Yanco in Centro. (see below for contact info) We were within walking distance to everything. They were very nice, no english at all but we made do, and the room and bathroom were clean. On the way back we stayed at another closer to the main road through town, Prado (Paseo de Marti) which I liked better, Danela Arias home. She and her husband spoke a bit of english and were extremely accommodating. We were the first Americans she had met! There are literally thousands of rooms to rent. There is no reason to drop a ton of money on a hotel in Havana.

Casa Particular symbol

Part II in next blog

Thailand is “near-international,” right?

Blogging. Something I never thought I would do. I am a terrible writer, and speller, and I really like run-on sentences. Not to mention my grammar is sub-par at best. If you are willing to sit through all that, I am pretty cool. I was asked to start a travel blog, and thought “why the hell not” people must be sick of all my Insta and FB post anyway.

I am a flight attendant for a major US carrier. I was recently called a “carnie” or “carney” if you will. Like circus folk. I gave the person who called me this the most perplexed look, so she explained.. “You travel from place to place and put on your show. You sing, dance, serve drinks, then usher people out.” She went on, “You especially meet the mold. You curse far too often, drink way to much, and smoke like a fish.” (yes, she said smoke like a fish) It was brilliant. I really cant think of any other perfect way to describe what I do. Therefor, the Flying Circus was born.

I can see myself occasionally posting about work, and there are a plethora of stories to be told, however traveling is the only reason I put on that song and dance everyday. I like to run away. 75 countries and counting. For my age, I’d say Im doing pretty good. I plan on adding outer space to that list before too long.

Here’s the thing with sky-people (my fellow airline carnies) most don’t use the travel benefits they have. We fly 100% for free domestically on any carrier, and fly for pennies internationally. Im talking about $45 roundtrip to Europe. Most people would kill to have those kind of perks. Not to mention we have full control over our schedules so there is really no reason not to fly away. I get it too. People have lives, children, grand-children, etc, but com’on. We put up with way too much BS everyday with the flying public not to run away.

I run a non-profit, attempting to finish grad school, flying when I can, traveling a lot, and maintaining my social life. I am fucking busy. I enjoy sharing these obnoxious stories. I update when I feel inspired to write. Stay tuned.